Just Do You

Because we always have choices…

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Posts Tagged ‘self-reflection’

Let’s End Victim-Blaming

Posted by georgiannasaysjustdoyou on December 3, 2014

By now, all of you have likely read about the 20 women who have accused Bill Cosby of sexual assault. I have read many posts that worry me about the direction of the conversation.

Even if you aren’t ready to convict Bill Cosby (despite so many women coming forward), it seems that there are a lot of people who have something to say about the victims. So here is my two cents (and I hope it gives at least a moment of self reflection, something you may not have thought of):

None of us are innocent in life, we have all made decisions about what to wear, where to be, who to spend time with , etc, that are questionable and in poor judgement (usually we think it was poor judgment after the fact). Would those decisions make it okay for someone, anyone to rape us?

Victims of sexual assault are imperfect people. No matter what judgement they made that placed them in the path of a predator warrants our judgment of blaming them for the behavior of a predator. Victim blaming is common and some would say it is natural to ask what she (in this case all females) was doing there, or what was she doing with him? or she had motives to get money or get ahead and so there is a lack of sympathy and a hint of or sometimes outright blame. Please reflect before you go there. We don’t have to like the victims, we should hold Bill accountable, which isn’t the same thing as liking the victims.

There is only one person responsible in a rape, that is the rapist. End of story.
While I welcome dialogue, please be respectful as I know this is a hard issue for many.

NO ONE wants to believe that Bill Cosby could do this. So many victims never come forward because their abuser, rapist, etc, is well known and/or well respected. No one will believe them, even worse, people will blame them. Let’s be part of changing a culture that keeps victims silent


Posted in Self-Reflection | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Coping with Naysayers

Posted by georgiannasaysjustdoyou on November 7, 2013

Today I was part of a panel at Carole Copeland Thomas’s Multicultural Symposium at UMass Boston. The topic was sharing tips for coping with Naysayers. It was a great morning and it was also energizing. I think we all like to hear about how others overcome and thrive. It helps us move past our “stuck” places. You know, those spaces we get in when we are worried about failure, feel we have failed, or feel pulled at from a million different directions.

Latoyia Edwards, the morning keynote and the evening anchor on NECN was hilarious and real. A couple of her ingredients for success include:
1) Have a dream
2) Outwork your competition
3) Be willing to do anything (even bringing someone a glass of water, tie their shoe, whatever!)
4) Never be too big to talk to anyone
5) Do your homework
6) Go after what you want and don’t let anyone else steal your dream

Chancellor Motley shared some thoughts about naysayers too:
1) Be the smartest person in the room
2) Stay focused
3) Stay the course
4) Forgive but don’t forget

There was a similar thread throughout the presentations. And of course there was some gloating…I mean people were trying to pull us down…and we overcame. Celebrate, but celebrate through continued success and growth, not through punishment of others (but no one says you have to go out of your way for them either).
Here is the outline of the thread:
– have a passion for something
– be prepared and be willing to do anything…no matter how minor a task
– build your community of supporters
– do your homework/research
– get comfortable with your confidence even when others are not
– take risks, put yourself out there
– take care of yourself (physically and mentally)
– be okay with saying no to things that don’t enhance your life

As a speaker on the panel, I shared stories that I have written in past blog posts…there are always naysayers. I have some in my life now, actively working against me. My village of supporters, my advocates are stronger than their voices. I may fail, but if I do, I won’t be alone. I still don’t know what I want to do when I grow up, but I know I will be prepared for new opportunities and I will be in a position to say “yes” to the things I want in my life and that will help me continue to grow.

I don’t have the answers, but I always have thoughts. Won’t you share yours?

Posted in Choices, Motivational, Self-Reflection | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

I’m Scared…My Friends Are In Charge

Posted by georgiannasaysjustdoyou on June 10, 2013

One day, I woke up, and my friends were in charge… A high school classmate is my city mayor, another friend is a CEO, many other friends own their own companies… Other classmates are my kids teachers.

I am officially scared. This is not because I don’t have confidence in their ability to lead or do a competent job. It is because our parachutes are slowly retiring, or are otherwise not around. It is the beginning of the shift to the next generation. I will own that depending on your age, this may not apply anymore or yet. For those of us 30-50ish, this is our current reality. This is when you remember how you were treated BY others (yes way back in high school) and even more importantly, you reflect on how YOU treated others.

If you have ever been to a high school reunion, you know that people hold on to stuff for a VERY LONG TIME. It is often deep and very personal. If the experience is good, good will often continue to follow. If not, then…let’s just say that the stuff I overheard while in the bathroom stall at my last reunion, tells me that it won’t be good.

No matter what stage you are in on the course of your life, how you treat people matters. And who knows, one day those people you went to school with will be in charge.

My thought for the day: be kind. It is always worth it.

I don’t have the answers, but I always have thoughts. Won’t you share yours?

Posted in Choices, Motivational, Self-Reflection | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »