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    December 2014
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Let’s End Victim-Blaming

Posted by georgiannasaysjustdoyou on December 3, 2014

By now, all of you have likely read about the 20 women who have accused Bill Cosby of sexual assault. I have read many posts that worry me about the direction of the conversation.

Even if you aren’t ready to convict Bill Cosby (despite so many women coming forward), it seems that there are a lot of people who have something to say about the victims. So here is my two cents (and I hope it gives at least a moment of self reflection, something you may not have thought of):

None of us are innocent in life, we have all made decisions about what to wear, where to be, who to spend time with , etc, that are questionable and in poor judgement (usually we think it was poor judgment after the fact). Would those decisions make it okay for someone, anyone to rape us?

Victims of sexual assault are imperfect people. No matter what judgement they made that placed them in the path of a predator warrants our judgment of blaming them for the behavior of a predator. Victim blaming is common and some would say it is natural to ask what she (in this case all females) was doing there, or what was she doing with him? or she had motives to get money or get ahead and so there is a lack of sympathy and a hint of or sometimes outright blame. Please reflect before you go there. We don’t have to like the victims, we should hold Bill accountable, which isn’t the same thing as liking the victims.

There is only one person responsible in a rape, that is the rapist. End of story.
While I welcome dialogue, please be respectful as I know this is a hard issue for many.

NO ONE wants to believe that Bill Cosby could do this. So many victims never come forward because their abuser, rapist, etc, is well known and/or well respected. No one will believe them, even worse, people will blame them. Let’s be part of changing a culture that keeps victims silent


One Response to “Let’s End Victim-Blaming”

  1. Molly said

    May Jesus be with me as I have never spoken of any of this in such an open forum or publicly, ever.

    Up until now only a few close friends and family members even know this occurred.

    Quite frankly I have no recollection of the incident. And for that I am grateful.
    I went to college fairly naive. Ok very naive. And I was a virgin.

    One of my male friends came to visit me at my dorm, and spend the night.
    He brought his friend Arty. I remember making out with Arty and how silky his hair was ( strange the things you remember ) I remember bragging to Chris and Arty how I could drink them under the table. Bottom line is I ended up drinking until I blacked out.

    The next morning I was sore. Very sore. Down there.
    And Arty was being put offish.
    I asked him why he was giving me the cold shoulder.
    He said I wasn’t aware you liked “x”
    I said I really don’t. He is just my neighbor.

    He said then why was he on top of you last night in the bathroom…?
    I continued to ask questions like what did you see ? He said he walked in on me and “x” and that “x” had told him to go away.

    And then it all made sense why I was sore.

    I told my RA. But then suddenly ( like within a week or so) somehow EVERYONE in the dorm seemed to hate me.
    Everyone was sticking up for “x” saying I was just another white girl trying to bring down a black man. That he could get kicked out of school, his father is a judge, I would ruin his family and his future.

    The whispers, the taunts, the stares. The accusation that I couldn’t handle my liquor. That I should just leave it alone.

    I didn’t come from the most politically correct family out there, either. I was afraid to tell anyone in my family for fear they would try to defend my honor and seek retribution. Think “The Town” when Ben Afflecks character seeks retribution on guys that were throwing bottles at his girlfriend and they fucked the guy up pretty good. My family has evolved since then, but back in the day they would have beat anyone black white or purple that hurt me. Or at least that was my fear.

    So I didn’t pursue it. But that is because before I could even get out of the proverbial gate, I was being shoved back and blamed. And muzzled.
    I am sorry but if someone is unconscious and not able to hold their head up, they are not able to consent to sexual activity.
    I was 17.
    No more shaming.
    Sure could I have not drank?
    Yes that is true.
    Could I have not previously flirted with “x” ? Could that have anything to do with the outcome ?

    24 years of silence ends now.
    Although I will not go backwards.
    “X” does have a life of his own now, with a wife, and kids.

    Someday I hope to have the guts to ask “x” how he would feel if someone did to his daughter what he did to me.

    Then I think it doesn’t even matter. What matters is standing with victims and not blaming them.

    I was bullied and blamed right into submission ( to not pursue) in 1990. I hope we have come further as a society by now.

    I unequivocally stand with JJ on this one.
    STOP victim blaming.

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