Just Do You

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    November 2010
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Biting Your Tongue Can Hurt…

Posted by georgiannasaysjustdoyou on November 9, 2010

On the other hand, it can be worth the short term pain.  I have gotten in the habit of biting my tongue a lot more lately.  Sometimes I leave a conversation wishing I had said what was on my mind.  I am not talking about trying to one up anybody and feeling like I didn’t have the last word.  I am talking about the times where I felt that if I said what was on my mind, I might have been able to influence a different outcome.

The hardest times to do that are when I am feeling like I am being taken for granted (NEVER happens, right?).  I want to set the record straight so that we can all be on the same page and make sure someone realizes that in order to move forward some things need to be said.

The biggest tip off for me, the message to myself that I should bite my tongue, is when emotions are running high.  Okay, I filter less when I am super happy and overjoyed.  Mostly I filter when I am sad, hurt or angry.  It’s not the same as shutting down.  It is really about making a conscious choice to not say anything in the moment.

I recently re-read an email that was in my “draft” box.  I had long forgotten about it.  Man was I mad!!!  At the time, I remember thinking I had taken all emotion out of it, but in re-reading it later, there was no hiding it.  I was one click away from sending it when a voice inside my head told me to wait.  So I did.  I thought about it for a week solid and eventually got distracted.  (I know, what could have made me so mad?  I’m not telling, but I will say that injustice makes me very mad and turns me into an activist).

Had I sent that email, my relationship with this person might not be the same today.  It’s not that I was wrong.  It was more that it wasn’t going to change anything at that time and that person needed grace.  We all have bad days and he eventually owned his behavior in a way that I did not expect.  It may not always happen that way, but you will never know if you do not give people the space to process and step to the plate.

So, while biting your tongue may hurt in the short term, it may be for the best in the long run.  At least you will be in control of what you put out to the world.

I don’t have the answers, but I always have thoughts.  Won’t you share yours?


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