Just Do You

Because we always have choices…

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    July 2010
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Let’s Not and Say We Did…TEMPTATION

Posted by georgiannasaysjustdoyou on July 1, 2010

No, I am not talking about the new movie on teen popularity…

I am talking about TEMPTATION of a different kind…the temptation to be spiteful.  I had a conversation with a friend recently who talked about the strong temptation to lash out.  This was in response to my blog post on “Airing Dirty Laundry.”  It was not the first conversation of its kind I have had.  In fact, it was the reason I wrote the blog.

Believe me, the temptation to let the world know about how bad someone really is can be irresistible.  Particularly someone who has wronged me and then walks around like they have no flies on them…it is painful to sit back and watch the hypocrisy.  That said, I still have a choice about the kind of person I want to be.  I have had conversations with myself (in my head) about the pro’s and con’s of letting loose.  I opt for writing an email and never sending it, calling a very close friend and venting, going to a therapy session and unloading.  It is not always as satisfying as I think it would be to let the person who I feel has wronged me HAVE IT…my own lessons learned.

Sometimes you are mad at someone in the moment and you put it out there.  You can’t take it back.  Then, you get over it, make up or something like that.    The people you have told don’t know the details, nor do they need to know.  What they do know is that you have put all of the hostility and anger out there, and then you are best buddies or close again…

Do you call everyone or post a notice that you have made up?  See the complication?  Even if you never do, at the risk of repeating myself, you have created an impression about you and how YOU handle conflict and anger.  It is a risky thing to do.

I recommend finding an appropriate way to vent that is healthy for you and keeps your dignity intact.  There is no one right way.  I told you how I do it.  How do you handle it?

I don’t have the answers, but I always have thoughts.  Won’t you share yours?


4 Responses to “Let’s Not and Say We Did…TEMPTATION”

  1. Philip said

    This is interesting, and also relates to the topic of internet privacy or lack thereof. Personally, I do not post things of such a serious nature online because it’s up there forever. I guess I try to keep it in a more intimate setting, choosing to vent in person or at least in a non-public forum/arena. It’s just too easy these days to be taken out of context, then where are you? Good thoughts Georgianna.

  2. Very thoughtful. I don’t know if it’s a function of me being a man or just being me. But I keep all of my feelings inside. I’m about to burst right now and go mid-evil on someone.

    Seriously, normally I just think about it or vent to a friend. The most important factors is that venting has to be done to someone qualified to listen. By qualified, I’m saying that the person must understand the topic of the hour. I don’t vent to homeless people about the rising costs of housing. How many parents take child rearing advice from people without kids? They are not qualified! If the person is not qualified then you will be in a silly place. If a kid asks an adult how to get into Harvard, the most important factor would be – did that person attend Harvard. If not then how can anything helpful com out of the conversation. The reason I state this is because people unknowingly reflect their insecurities on others. Just because it’s out of their paradigm or something they can’t do, they think that you can’t do it. Rebuke those thoughts!

    Likewise, when speaking think about what you say prior to opening your mouth. A person once slipped and said some stuff they shouldn’t have, in a way they should not have said it. They called me 3 hours later and apologized. I explained to them that I could readily accept an apology if they were 6 years old, but adults should know what they are saying before their mouth opens up.

    As for myself I use my Obama Filter. I was born without filters and had the tendency to say anything. But now I have a filter that can handle 99.0% of what comes out my mouth. I think to myself, What would Obama say? What would Obama do? How would Obama handle this? Now women think I’m a charmer and I get what I want. It also works in business and school.

    When someone has enough faith and trust to vent to you, first make sure you are qualified – if not listen, show some empathy and just keep your mouth shut. If you can speak on it, never tell them what to do. At least directly. Telling a person what to do can and will come back to haunt you. Not that it’s ever happened to me. Guide them in their decision making process. Help them lay out their feelings and facts. propose other angles to look at the issuse/s. Explore the different options and be patient enough to let them develop their own action plan and talk them through the possibility of blowback.

    I got a trusting friend, that is non-judgmental, honest, thoughtful, follows the above stated rules and is hella-smart. We are basically talking each other through life and I appreciate and love her for input and impact on my life. (see that’s that Obama filter at work!)

  3. @ Philip without more information…almost everything is out of context. Excellent point!
    @ Lafayette…you rock! Thanks for the level of thoughtfulness in your comment. You and I have had many conversations about this very thing! The “filter” is always the hardest. You are doing great! and yes…ever a charmer

  4. What a great article, will share! @Layfaette “I don’t vent to homeless people about the rising costs of housing.” LOL that was priceless!

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